This may be the longest any feminist blog has gone without writing about everything that is wrong with Cosmpolitan magazine. I admit it that it's a (very) guilty pleasure, and I do read it fairly often. And as often as I appreciate the tips and stories in it, I get angry at some of the ridiculously outdated advice they continue to give (among so many other problems)...
So, to start: the cover. Cover model Demi Lovato who has battled (and beat) an eating disorder, is the woman of the issue. She is interviewed inside about her past struggles and mental illness (bipolar disorder). As in every issue, Cosmo shows a handwritten mini interview - with multiple choice questions like what kind of guy they usually go for. So one question was "I couldn't date someone who didn't love my _____" Lovato's answer? "CURVES!!!".
Which is great! What a perfect answer for someone battling an eating disorder. It is truly wonderful to hear about a woman who is proud of their body. So what does Cosmo do to celebrate such security and confidence? They airbrush her curves, in essence eliminating her waist from the cover photo. So hey, thanks Cosmo for once again juxtaposing a great confidence boost like a celebrity who loves her body with a picture of that same woman that's designed to make women hate their own bodies.
If only it ended there. Then i come across some true-to-form Cosmo advice. In their column, "Ask Him Anything," one woman writes "If you meet a cute guy at a party, what's the best way to initiate exchanging phone numbers?"Now, if it were me writing the answer, I'd probably say something akin to:
Why is this a question? The best way to initiate an exchange is to say "hey, it's been really great talking with you, do you mind if I get your number so we can do this again sometime." That seems reasonable to me, and if a guy wanted to get my number, I'd expect him to say something along those lines as well.
Cosmo's answer? "[...]Let him initiate it - it makes him feel manly to be the one picking you up [...]"
Seriously? Are we living in 1950? Are women still not supposed to speak up, or out, or go after what they want? I have never subscribed to that idea. Ever. When I want a guy, I go for him, and it's also never failed me. Bottom line, to me, is, if you ask a guy for his number and he doesn't like the fact that you're so forward, then, seriously...why are you still attracted to him? That's definitely a deal breaker for me. I'd prefer my men to respect a woman with the confidence to do what they want.
Next crappy piece of advice in their " Your Biggest Love Qs (Answered in 20 Words or Less)" column"
Q: My boyfriend is gaining weight, and I'm not that turned on by him anymore. Can I say something?
My answer? Break up with him. Not because he gained weight, but because if something that trivial and superficial can affect your feelings for him, the relationship is obviously doomed. You should be turned on by HIM, not his looks, or his physique, or his weight.
Cosmo's Answer? Yes, tell him, but nicely. Suggest the two of you hit the gym more often.
Really Cosmo? Let's celebrate superficiality! Let's help make men feel just as self conscious as women, cause hell, why not? If your boyfriend is obese, then sure, for his health, it's important to help in some weight loss. But just to have him be your object of lust? If you can't see the problem with this advice, then God help us all...
In the same column, is some advice that I actually talked about, in depth, in a previous post...
Q: After five years of dating, my boyfriend still hasn't popped the question. Is there anything I can do to speed up the process?
My answer? Who cares? What's more important, the man you love, or a materialistic ceremony that celebrates a lifelong committment, although in 50+% of cases, people break up (on average after 10 years)??
Cosmo's answer? Tell him you want to get married, and if he's the right guy, he'll marry you.
ARE YOU NUTS?! I can't think of a worse answer. Literally, cannot fathom worse advice to give a woman, let alone the 3+ million subscribers and other casual readers. Here's a better idea, Cosmo, if he's the right guy, she shouldn't feel the need to pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to do. And if she's the right girl, and he doesn't want to get married, they should be able to talk about it without breaking up, and without problem, regardless of outcome. For the last time, marriage is NOT the be all end all. Relationships are NOT a means to an end. People are not pawns, used solely to increase likelihood of that piece of paper that says there's a committment. Marriage is supposed to be a celebration of love, not a celebration of verbal coercion...
Next advice column problem: Colum titled "15 Times to Always Say No," one of which is when "the lame-looking dudes at the end of the bar just sent you and your girls a round of shots. Because if you said yes, then you'd have to actually converse with them. *Shudder*"
Two issues with this advice - (1) nothing, including a guy buying you a drink, should make anyone feel compelled to do something they don't want to, like talking to a guy. If a guy buys you a drink, all you need to say is "thank you." Past that, it's entirely up to you. And problem number (2) is why not talk to the "lame-looking" guys? Why not give them a chance? You have no idea who they are, or what they're like, and clearly they're at least nice enough to buy you a drink. Again, put your superficiality aside and just live your damn life.
Last major problem with this issue? "Girlie Decor That Won't Freak Him Out" - an article about how to make your living space more appealing to men. Here's a better idea, Cosmo readers, how about you decorate your home....the way you want. If you want pink, do pink. If you love unicorns, buy unicorn adorned items. Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks? You're the one living in it. Does anyone honestly think men are decorating their homes to appeal to women? No, because why should they? Same idea as mentioned previously, if a guy doesn't want to come over or spend time at your place simply because you have too many "girly" things, then why are you with him at all? If he cares about that, you shouldn't care about him. A home should reflect your personality, and who you are. It should not reflect the personality of the (apparent asshole) men you're bringing home from the bars.
Dear Cosmo,
I am not a drone. Not an object. Not a marriage obssessed, superficial bimbo. Please stop treating me as such. I am a woman. I am independent, I have my own personality that I love and that I love others to know about. I choose the people I allow into my life based on how they interact with me, the real me. I don't alter my looks, my personality, or my home based on the man I'm hoping to attract.
Three million subscribers. Three million women listening to this advice every.single.month. Countless others who buy off the stands. People who believe in these words.
It's time to stop, Cosmo. Your reach is too ubiquitous, your ideas too pervasive. Step up, and starting working for WOMEN. Not for men.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sexual Assault Trials
I was speaking with someone recently about how cops keep getting acquitted on rape charges despite pretty solid evidence. Whether juries are prone to acquittal for everyone, or if being a police officer grants them more leniency. I would think that civilians would be harsher towards police, since they're supposed to upstanding citizens - since they are responsible for arresting criminals, it seems even more egregious a crime when it is the cop who is the perp.
Yet we know that Franklin Mata and Kenneth Moreno were deemed innocent, and now another NYPD officer (although this one was off-duty) Michael Pena was also not convicted of rape (Although he was convicted on other charges, including predatory sexual assault). In Pena's case, his defense was not that he was innocent (plenty of witnesses saw him assaulting this woman and using his gun as leverage), but that no penetration occurred, and thus, no rape. Despite his DNA being on her underwear, despite her statement of pain, despite marks on her vagina, despite witness testimony. Apparently this is not enough.
So why the acquittal? Why are so many rapists (MOS or not) found not guilty on these horrible charges even in the face of overwhelming evidence? My friend's belief is that cops get off easy because juries don't see them as repeat offenders. They're not the stranger in the bushes that are attacking any woman they see. In which case, we really need more education on sexual assault in schools. Because when a vast majority of rapes are NOT the sociopath in the dark alley, we really need to start convicting the first time offenders, cops or not.
My friend also suggests that rape is so difficult to prove because the act itself is legal, it's just the force that is not, and coercion is hard to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt. Also troublesome is that NY law requires male to female penis to vagina penetration, or vice versa (as a side note, this desperately needs updating). So although sex might be proven, is the force? Hence the Moreno/Mata acquittal. And when the force is proven, is the actual penetration clear? Is it clear that it wasn't another object that was used? (In which case it only counts as sodomy). So without the man's DNA inside the woman, actual rape is almost impossible to prove.
Can we remedy this?
Should we remedy this? The justice system (rightly) revolves around the theory that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Guilty beyond reasonable doubt. Where there is doubt, there should be acquittal.
So is there anyway that we can get better justice for the victims of this horrible crime? Can we make it any easier, without negatively affecting the very foundation on which this country was built?
Honestly, I don't know. The first step is obviously changing NYS law to reflect federal law (“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”) I believe I still would have voted both those cops guilty. Fortunately, because of the other charges, Pena is still facing a possible life sentence.
These victims need justice. Cops or civilians need to do their time for a crime that causes severe lifelong psychological damage to its victims.
Let's figure out a way to deliver.
Yet we know that Franklin Mata and Kenneth Moreno were deemed innocent, and now another NYPD officer (although this one was off-duty) Michael Pena was also not convicted of rape (Although he was convicted on other charges, including predatory sexual assault). In Pena's case, his defense was not that he was innocent (plenty of witnesses saw him assaulting this woman and using his gun as leverage), but that no penetration occurred, and thus, no rape. Despite his DNA being on her underwear, despite her statement of pain, despite marks on her vagina, despite witness testimony. Apparently this is not enough.
So why the acquittal? Why are so many rapists (MOS or not) found not guilty on these horrible charges even in the face of overwhelming evidence? My friend's belief is that cops get off easy because juries don't see them as repeat offenders. They're not the stranger in the bushes that are attacking any woman they see. In which case, we really need more education on sexual assault in schools. Because when a vast majority of rapes are NOT the sociopath in the dark alley, we really need to start convicting the first time offenders, cops or not.
My friend also suggests that rape is so difficult to prove because the act itself is legal, it's just the force that is not, and coercion is hard to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt. Also troublesome is that NY law requires male to female penis to vagina penetration, or vice versa (as a side note, this desperately needs updating). So although sex might be proven, is the force? Hence the Moreno/Mata acquittal. And when the force is proven, is the actual penetration clear? Is it clear that it wasn't another object that was used? (In which case it only counts as sodomy). So without the man's DNA inside the woman, actual rape is almost impossible to prove.
Can we remedy this?
Should we remedy this? The justice system (rightly) revolves around the theory that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Guilty beyond reasonable doubt. Where there is doubt, there should be acquittal.
So is there anyway that we can get better justice for the victims of this horrible crime? Can we make it any easier, without negatively affecting the very foundation on which this country was built?
Honestly, I don't know. The first step is obviously changing NYS law to reflect federal law (“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”) I believe I still would have voted both those cops guilty. Fortunately, because of the other charges, Pena is still facing a possible life sentence.
These victims need justice. Cops or civilians need to do their time for a crime that causes severe lifelong psychological damage to its victims.
Let's figure out a way to deliver.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Male Privilege
For those men who think sexism is dead. For those who think feminism should've ended with the Suffrage Movement. For those who just don't see the big deal.
If you can walk down the street at night and not feel compelled to cross to the opposite sidewalk when you see a member of the opposite sex walking towards you, or someone walking behind you...that is male privilege.
If you can walk down the street without fear of harassment, without people hitting on you, and cursing you out when you ignore them...that is male privilege.
If you can pick someone up at a bar, and return to their place without fear of being raped, or without being verbally or physically coerced into sexual acts you don't want...that is male privilege.
If you can speak your mind without someone calling you a derogatory term, crazy, or if you can speak your mind and be taken seriously...that is male privilege.
If you can feel comfortable exercising your sexuality, in any way, in any manner, with however many people you want, without being publicly shamed...that is male privilege.
If you are not expected to wear clothes that are uncomfortable, and cause damage to your back and joints...that is male privilege.
If the advertisements you see don't depict your gender in hyper sexualized, photoshopped, unrealistic ways...that is male privilege.
If your intelligence is not called into question based on the color of your hair...that is male privilege.
To say that feminism is dead, or that there is no further equality to be had, or that feminists are looking for the upperhand, or just reasons to hate men, is false. Women are not treated equally, for all the reasons listed above, and more. Men continue to have the upper hand in virtually every aspect of life, and until women can feel comfortable in our own culture, the feminist movement will be alive and kicking.
I want to go out and not wear makeup or heels. I want to be able to walk around at night and not be fearful of that random male, regardless of age or race or attire. I want to walk around without be harassed by men on the street. I want to feel comfortable going to a guy's house, without fear of being raped, and called a liar when I try to press charges. I want my actions in the bedroom to be private, but, should they become public, I want the person who released private information to be shamed, not me. I want to see ads that show women of all sizes with their clothes on in stances that are appropriate for the item they are advertising. I want to call people out on their bullshit without being called crazy, or accused of just "PMSing." And I want to be blonde without people assuming I'm a ditz because of it.
I want to be as free as a man. And until that happens, I will keep fighting.
And there will be resistance, because no one likes to see a woman step out of place.
“Equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it. We need equality. Kinda now.”
― Joss Whedon (Producer of Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
If you can walk down the street at night and not feel compelled to cross to the opposite sidewalk when you see a member of the opposite sex walking towards you, or someone walking behind you...that is male privilege.
If you can walk down the street without fear of harassment, without people hitting on you, and cursing you out when you ignore them...that is male privilege.
If you can pick someone up at a bar, and return to their place without fear of being raped, or without being verbally or physically coerced into sexual acts you don't want...that is male privilege.
If you can speak your mind without someone calling you a derogatory term, crazy, or if you can speak your mind and be taken seriously...that is male privilege.
If you can feel comfortable exercising your sexuality, in any way, in any manner, with however many people you want, without being publicly shamed...that is male privilege.
If you are not expected to wear clothes that are uncomfortable, and cause damage to your back and joints...that is male privilege.
If the advertisements you see don't depict your gender in hyper sexualized, photoshopped, unrealistic ways...that is male privilege.
If your intelligence is not called into question based on the color of your hair...that is male privilege.
To say that feminism is dead, or that there is no further equality to be had, or that feminists are looking for the upperhand, or just reasons to hate men, is false. Women are not treated equally, for all the reasons listed above, and more. Men continue to have the upper hand in virtually every aspect of life, and until women can feel comfortable in our own culture, the feminist movement will be alive and kicking.
I want to go out and not wear makeup or heels. I want to be able to walk around at night and not be fearful of that random male, regardless of age or race or attire. I want to walk around without be harassed by men on the street. I want to feel comfortable going to a guy's house, without fear of being raped, and called a liar when I try to press charges. I want my actions in the bedroom to be private, but, should they become public, I want the person who released private information to be shamed, not me. I want to see ads that show women of all sizes with their clothes on in stances that are appropriate for the item they are advertising. I want to call people out on their bullshit without being called crazy, or accused of just "PMSing." And I want to be blonde without people assuming I'm a ditz because of it.
I want to be as free as a man. And until that happens, I will keep fighting.
And there will be resistance, because no one likes to see a woman step out of place.
“Equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it. We need equality. Kinda now.”
― Joss Whedon (Producer of Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Open up any newspaper or turn on any news station and you're guaranteed to see something about Trayvon Martin, the unarmed 17 year old child who was shot and killed by a cop-wannabe neighborhood patrolman the night of February 26. The country is rightly outraged that the man responsible - the man who pulled the trigger of the gun that released the bullet that killed a defenseless boy - was not immediately arrested.
Trayvon should have been safe walking to and from a store to pick up skittles and a soda, regardless of dress or time of day. Everyone is so well aware of this right to safety that no one has questioned his decisions.
Yes, he was alone. Yes, it was night. Yes, he was wearing a hoodie. But only one man has tried to claim that the boy even partially deserves the blame for his own death because of his choices.
And the public is, again, rightly outraged. How can you tell someone that they shouldn't wear hoodies at night, lest the be deemed suspicious? Who cares what he was wearing? A young man is dead because a crazed man decided he couldn't control himself in the face of such an obvious threat to the neighborhood as a man in a hooded sweatshirt.
If you read the comments on the article I linked to, you'll see that everyone is appalled that someone would even suggest his clothing had anything to do with his murder.
STANCHAZ says "Mr. Rivera: you should be ashamed of your inane, insensitive comments, and your attempts to create "excuses" for the inexcusable actions of[...]Zimmerman."
ANTLIVE says "so what if the kid wore a hoodie, now sweaters are illegal? ill tell you what, your mustache makes you look like a 70's porno actor, so should someone shoot you? appearance doesn't make the person, its the people who judge with the quickness."
SUZANMONTANA: "Sounds like Geraldo has been crushing his skittles and snorting them. Thats the craziest thing....Trayvon did nothing wrong."
No one deserves to be the victim of a crime. No matter their clothing choice. No matter the time of day or night at which they were out. No matter the gender or race.
Victim blaming solves nothing. Prevents nothing. Rest in Peace Trayvon.
The only thing responsible for his death is George Zimmerman.
Trayvon should have been safe walking to and from a store to pick up skittles and a soda, regardless of dress or time of day. Everyone is so well aware of this right to safety that no one has questioned his decisions.
Yes, he was alone. Yes, it was night. Yes, he was wearing a hoodie. But only one man has tried to claim that the boy even partially deserves the blame for his own death because of his choices.
And the public is, again, rightly outraged. How can you tell someone that they shouldn't wear hoodies at night, lest the be deemed suspicious? Who cares what he was wearing? A young man is dead because a crazed man decided he couldn't control himself in the face of such an obvious threat to the neighborhood as a man in a hooded sweatshirt.
If you read the comments on the article I linked to, you'll see that everyone is appalled that someone would even suggest his clothing had anything to do with his murder.
STANCHAZ says "Mr. Rivera: you should be ashamed of your inane, insensitive comments, and your attempts to create "excuses" for the inexcusable actions of[...]Zimmerman."
ANTLIVE says "so what if the kid wore a hoodie, now sweaters are illegal? ill tell you what, your mustache makes you look like a 70's porno actor, so should someone shoot you? appearance doesn't make the person, its the people who judge with the quickness."
SUZANMONTANA: "Sounds like Geraldo has been crushing his skittles and snorting them. Thats the craziest thing....Trayvon did nothing wrong."
No one deserves to be the victim of a crime. No matter their clothing choice. No matter the time of day or night at which they were out. No matter the gender or race.
Victim blaming solves nothing. Prevents nothing. Rest in Peace Trayvon.
The only thing responsible for his death is George Zimmerman.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Why, People, Just Why?
(In response to a question asked by MTV's The Challenge "Have questions for Johnny or Mark? Here's your chance to ask 'em. We're gonna grab the best fan questions and ask them during The Challenge after show."
I'm not sure what bothers me more. The fact that someone would actually post this comment, or the fact that the two "likes" are from females.
Why couldn't he just ask who Johnny would want to have sex with? Why did he have to make the question involve a violent crime? Why is rape considered an appropriate crime to promote? AND WHY HASN'T MTV DELETED IT?!
There isn't much to say. It makes me sick.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Marriage vs Committment
One thing I will never understand is women's obsession with marriage. Well that's not entirely true - I mean, I certainly think about my future wedding. But what I want most in my wedding, is the man I can spend the rest of my life with. The details are really irrelevant.
The average age of a person's first divorce is 30. The average first (and second) marriage lasts 7 years. Yet, despite these disappointing statistics, women are still putting a wedding ahead of love. Take Jennifer Aniston in "He's Just Not That Into You" - she breaks it off with Ben Affleck after 7 years because he never wants to get married, or Phoebe from Friends, when she breaks up wtih Mike for the same reason. Even Monica almost broke up with Chandler when she thought he would never marry her (And if you know all those endings, then I know what you're thinking, so...) My ex boyfriend had an ex who pressured him for marriage and when he never caved, she left him after 5 years and married someone else.
When was the last time you heard about a man leaving his girlfriend because she doesn't want to get married? Either in real life or otherwise? Why are women still putting such a high priority on a wedding? On what amounts to a piece of paper stating a lifelong commitment, followed by a big expensive party?
Why can't people see the logical fallacy involved in leaving the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, so you can have a wedding? Women are literally willing to lose the love of their life in favor of materialism!
The most important aspect of a wedding is the love between the bride and groom. And that love will be there with or without a wedding. More than half of all marriages end in divorce, and yet, still, women are putting the pressure on themselves, and on their SO's to partake in an expensive probably-not-once-in-a-lifetime event.
Where does this start? The pressure to get married? It's not even the pressure to meet the "prince charming;" it's the actual white dress vows ring cake affair that we're pressured to have.
I'll be more than happy to settle for that prince charming (and a nice diamond ring). And if I had to choose between the man I want to spend the rest of my life with or that ring, I'd undoubtedly choose the man. Because I'd want the same from him.
What are we saying to the man we love when we tell them a wedding is more important than them? Is this the most pressing issue facing women today? Not by a longshot, but I think it's important for everyone to focus on the truly essential things in life.
And what's more important than love?
If there's anything, it sure as hell isn't a wedding.
The average age of a person's first divorce is 30. The average first (and second) marriage lasts 7 years. Yet, despite these disappointing statistics, women are still putting a wedding ahead of love. Take Jennifer Aniston in "He's Just Not That Into You" - she breaks it off with Ben Affleck after 7 years because he never wants to get married, or Phoebe from Friends, when she breaks up wtih Mike for the same reason. Even Monica almost broke up with Chandler when she thought he would never marry her (And if you know all those endings, then I know what you're thinking, so...) My ex boyfriend had an ex who pressured him for marriage and when he never caved, she left him after 5 years and married someone else.
When was the last time you heard about a man leaving his girlfriend because she doesn't want to get married? Either in real life or otherwise? Why are women still putting such a high priority on a wedding? On what amounts to a piece of paper stating a lifelong commitment, followed by a big expensive party?
Why can't people see the logical fallacy involved in leaving the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, so you can have a wedding? Women are literally willing to lose the love of their life in favor of materialism!
The most important aspect of a wedding is the love between the bride and groom. And that love will be there with or without a wedding. More than half of all marriages end in divorce, and yet, still, women are putting the pressure on themselves, and on their SO's to partake in an expensive probably-not-once-in-a-lifetime event.
Where does this start? The pressure to get married? It's not even the pressure to meet the "prince charming;" it's the actual white dress vows ring cake affair that we're pressured to have.
I'll be more than happy to settle for that prince charming (and a nice diamond ring). And if I had to choose between the man I want to spend the rest of my life with or that ring, I'd undoubtedly choose the man. Because I'd want the same from him.
What are we saying to the man we love when we tell them a wedding is more important than them? Is this the most pressing issue facing women today? Not by a longshot, but I think it's important for everyone to focus on the truly essential things in life.
And what's more important than love?
If there's anything, it sure as hell isn't a wedding.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Self Deprecation
I went to a hockey game last night with a small group of quite fun people. The group sitting just behind us was also a funny, energetic, hockey-loving bunch, that helped fuel my intrigue in the game.
Unfortunately, there was the token girl who was trying to hard to hang with the guys. Inevitably, that requires self-deprecation. Not just self, though - it's one thing to make fun of one's own person, but don't bring the whole gender down with you.
"I had a lot of problems with Verizon because, well, I'm a girl (haha!), so I'm like always dropping my phone..."
HAHA! Isn't it like so hilarious how clumsy and incapable of taking care of electronics women are? I'm sure the guys she was with had so much more respect for her, and women in general, after that comment.
How often do you hear men talk like that? "As a man..." or "since I'm a man..." or other similar phrases, if used at all, or used in conjunction with pride. Women seem to have missed that memo.
We equate any inadequacies, perceived or actual, to our gender. And publicly. Because women don't have enough obstacles to overcome, so it's good that anytime we talk about our flaws, we make sure to mention that it's standard practice for the female half of the species to have such imperfections.
I wanted to say something to that woman. About how, as a woman, I rarely, if ever drop my phone, and only once had any problems with my phone. In 10 years.
And, that, as a woman, it offends me that she would talk about my gender in that way. That if she is clumsy and can't take care of her own expensive electronics, then that is her problem, not women's. But, admittedly, I didn't.
I wonder if it would have made a difference. I pick my battles, and a sports arena during a close game is not the best venue.
I have my flaws, but those are my flaws, that I alone am responsible for. That I alone can strive to change. Attributing imperfections to the fault of women everywhere serves to help keep a patriarchy in place. How can we ask men to respect women when clearly, we aren't even respecting ourselves?
Being a woman does not mean being clumsy, or dumb, or a bad driver, anymore than it means we have to clean and cook and be Suzy Homemaker.
So, to the woman who sat behind me at last night's Rangers game, please show some pride in your gender. Some respect for what it means to be a woman. There is no need to belittle women, especially in a culture designed to tear us down.
Stand tall, strong, and proud. Because that's what it means to be a woman.
Unfortunately, there was the token girl who was trying to hard to hang with the guys. Inevitably, that requires self-deprecation. Not just self, though - it's one thing to make fun of one's own person, but don't bring the whole gender down with you.
"I had a lot of problems with Verizon because, well, I'm a girl (haha!), so I'm like always dropping my phone..."
HAHA! Isn't it like so hilarious how clumsy and incapable of taking care of electronics women are? I'm sure the guys she was with had so much more respect for her, and women in general, after that comment.
How often do you hear men talk like that? "As a man..." or "since I'm a man..." or other similar phrases, if used at all, or used in conjunction with pride. Women seem to have missed that memo.
We equate any inadequacies, perceived or actual, to our gender. And publicly. Because women don't have enough obstacles to overcome, so it's good that anytime we talk about our flaws, we make sure to mention that it's standard practice for the female half of the species to have such imperfections.
I wanted to say something to that woman. About how, as a woman, I rarely, if ever drop my phone, and only once had any problems with my phone. In 10 years.
And, that, as a woman, it offends me that she would talk about my gender in that way. That if she is clumsy and can't take care of her own expensive electronics, then that is her problem, not women's. But, admittedly, I didn't.
I wonder if it would have made a difference. I pick my battles, and a sports arena during a close game is not the best venue.
I have my flaws, but those are my flaws, that I alone am responsible for. That I alone can strive to change. Attributing imperfections to the fault of women everywhere serves to help keep a patriarchy in place. How can we ask men to respect women when clearly, we aren't even respecting ourselves?
Being a woman does not mean being clumsy, or dumb, or a bad driver, anymore than it means we have to clean and cook and be Suzy Homemaker.
So, to the woman who sat behind me at last night's Rangers game, please show some pride in your gender. Some respect for what it means to be a woman. There is no need to belittle women, especially in a culture designed to tear us down.
Stand tall, strong, and proud. Because that's what it means to be a woman.
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