Breaking and Entering

Last Mother's Day weekend, I spent Saturday with my family, but due to the fact I had work on Sunday, I opted to go home that night. My mom wanted me to stay the night, but I got very stressed out about being late and left.

I should have listened to my mother.

I ended up getting home pretty late at night, and had to park in a fairly dark area of my neighborhood. Due to fatigue, I left my ipod out, instead of tucking it into my glove compartment. When I got up the next morning to get breakfast, my driver side window was smashed in, and my ipod was gone.

Thankfully I have full glass coverage through my insurance, and I got the window fixed pretty quickly. Unfortunately they were unable to get all the glass out of the door, and now my window is pretty annoying to operate. In essence, my window will never be the same.

When I walked up to my car that morning, when I saw the glass on the ground, and shards stuck in the door, a flood of emotions took over. I was stunned, angry, upset, confused...I called the police who took a report and then left. They had seen it a thousand times before, and it really meant nothing to them. But to me, I felt entirely violated.

Anyone who has ever seen my car knows it's a mess of pretty much everything. I basically live out of my car. And to have someone not only completely disregard my right to my own car, my privacy, my life, but to go through all my things, to assume the right to everything I own, left me feeling incredibly vulnerable. How could someone do that?

I can only imagine what it would feel like to have ones body violated in the same way. To have someone take control, not of your possession, not of your car, or your house, but of your own body...the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability is unfathomable.

When people found out my car was broken into, nobody asked me any questions about my actions. Yes, I parked in a dark area. Yes, I left my ipod visible. Yet not a single person told me I was asking for it. Nobody told me it was my fault. Nobody accused me of making it up. No one tried to tell me I probably gave it away and then regretted it, so I claimed it was stolen. Those would be absolutely ludicrous questions and accusations to make.

Yet it's the reality for victims of sexual assault. Although those are people who have suffered far greater wrongs, suffered far greater physical and emotional distress than those, like myself, who have had their cars or homes broken into. I had my ipod stolen, they have everything taken away. I had the support of the people around me, they have to keep their secret due to a disbelieving apathetic world.

I made a couple of dumb decisions that night before Mother's Day. But I do not for a second blame myself. Regardless of a person's actions, the victim of a crime is just that. A victim. The only person to blame, regardless of the crime, is the person who committed it.