New Year's

This New Year's, this new year, like any new year, brings with it a plethora of possibilities. Chances to start over, to rid your life, and your psyche of all the bad, and make room for all the good. So here's some possible resolutions for 2012:

For the Men:

1) I'll start easy: Don't rape. When a woman says "stop," stop. When she seems uncomfortable, stop. If she's drunk, don't come close. If she pushes you away, go away. And I'd hope it goes without saying, that if she yells and hits you, you've already gone too far, and you should leave. And NOT call her any names, and respect her boundaries. She's not being crazy, or a prude. She's being a person, with her own wants and desires, and asserting them, as any man would without fear of repercussions.

2) Stop your friends from doing any of the above. Don't play those games of who can sleep with more women. Don't buy into the group mentality so prevalent in males.

3) Realize your privilege. You are allowed to be aggressive, to assert themselves. Women are expected to be timid, and are inevitably called, or considered "crazy bitches" should we speak our desires out loud. You can walk around at night and not be scared. You can have sex without being called a slut. You can walk through a bar without being molested. Consider these ideas. And work for equality in these areas.

4) Don't fight women...or anyone for that matter. Aggression isn't attractive. Manipulative behavior isn't attractive. Not to mention, getting arrested isn't attractive. In fact, all these qualities are entirely UNattractive, and more importantly, are behaviors that aren't acceptable in a parent, or any adult. Children are constantly observing everything around them. Omnipresent violence begets violence.

And for the women too:

1) Fight to end rape. Speak up. Find the courage to tell your story if you're a victim/survivor. And for everyone, say yes, when you mean yes. Say no when you wanna say no, Talk to the people in your life about the topic. Educate. Learn yourself. The personal and legal ramifications of sexual assault. What rape IS and how and why it happens, because learning about it, even as women, is the first step towards ending it. Men must stop raping, but women can help them get there.

2) Help. Women all over the world, of all races, socioeconomic classes, and education levels are trapped in abusive relationships. Dangerous relationships. Keep alert for signs of this in other women. If something seems wrong, it probably is. Talk to them, but don't pressure them. Just be there for them.

3) Don't make a resolution to lose weight. Unless you're clinically obese, appreciate your body. Exercise more, sure, but for the right reasons. Don't obsess. Look in the mirror every morning and say one thing you love about yourself. Feel beautiful.

4) Be assertive. Not just in relationships, but in life. In the office. Ask for that raise or promotion you think you deserve. No man would hesitate to do so. I'm asking men to be less aggressive, and women to be more so. Let's meet somewhere in the middle. A peaceable compromise.

I don't think any of those are too tough to handle. Especially for men who consider themselves poster boys for resilience. As Andrea Dworkin said, let's imagine a world without violence against women. Let's resolve this year, to end it. Call a truce. Let there be peace (to put it cheesily).

This year, let's love ourselves, and each other. Mutual respect.

Let's ring in the New Year right.