Why?

I'll be the first to admit I used to be on a dating site. I'm not embarrassed by this at all. In my profile on this site, I was upfront about this blog, and that I considered myself a feminist.

Oddly enough, most guys I spoke to, asked what exactly I meant by "feminist." I told them as best I could, and they either didn't respond, or expressed relief that I wasn't some "crazy feminazi that's angry with the world" (maybe not verbatim, but pretty damn close).

And at the time, I just kind of rolled my eyes. I knew most men would be scared off by my admission, and that was pretty much the point. If you can't handle it, then I don't want you to try. The odd part is, men hate feminists because they assume we hate them.

When, in reality, we're the ones that believe in men. I believe in the innate goodness of men all over the world. Feminists, and the people who fight against sexual harassment, assault, and domestic violence, regardless of gender, are the ones who have faith in the men who shun us.

I don't believe that men who rape or otherwise assault women are genetically predisposed to such violence. Or even irreparably socialized to this point. I've met men, not many, but surely some, who exemplify everything I believe men can be. Men who have grown up in the most masculine of cultures yet understand me and empathize with women in general. It's not impossible, and it is certainly not effeminate. They are certainly men to me, and to their friends. They can have fun, and joke around, and hang out at sports games and casinos, drink beer and eat wings, and play sports, yet somehow they maintain integrity. Somehow they get away with not demeaning or objectifying women. Somehow they act like real men should.

It's the rest of them who think I hate them. I don't. I have more faith in them than apparently most of the world. I have enough faith in men that I believe they can stop violence against women. I believe they, and really, they alone, have the power within them to end the culture within which we live that fosters rape, and a rape mentality.

So why are feminists the bad guys? Shouldn't the women who write men off as inherently violent and savage and just plain mean be the bad guys? Feminists don't hate men. We love them, like a parent loves a drug addicted child. We know that how they're acting isn't really them. It's something else making them act this way, and really, it doesn't need to be like that. Things can change. Violence, like drugs, is not inevitable, and it's possible to quit. It's possible to change, and through resocialization, it's possible to eradicate violence against women.

So get off the drugs, men. I know you're better than this. I am not the bad guy. Nor are you. It's a culture we all buy into that allows this violent behavior to be normalized.

And it can change.